David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
