remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize