I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
