good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The best revenge is premature balding
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
