thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
