while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
