i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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