I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
