i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
