the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
