After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
