Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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