We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
