Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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