dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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