Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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