We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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