The maid of honor just puked.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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