We're facebook friends in real life
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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