I cockslap morals
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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