Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
