dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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