Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
