i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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