I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
