Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She bit a glass in half.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
