its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
