dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
