i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
