My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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