I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
