You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
