I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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