Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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