maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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