so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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