i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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