Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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