I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
