Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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