apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
