He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
