we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
