Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
