one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
handjob tips. give me some.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
