Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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