There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
