my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
whose parrot is this?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
