mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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