update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
