Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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