You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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