we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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