the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
