i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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