no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
