she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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