Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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