this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Congratulations! We have a period
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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