So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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