I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
