You really coming over, don't trick.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
