he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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