I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
