can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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