remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
