I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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