i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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