woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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