me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
