She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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