Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize